The LIfe and Times of Rick O'Shea

2009-06-09T08:05:00.001-04:00

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You can't teach an old dog new tricks?

2009-03-09T12:36:00.005-04:00

Unless your dog is named Abby. She's my dog, and dog gone it I can't think of any thing to write about so I'm going to bore you with my dog. Or maybe the Dog is Me.

Abby loves her snacks and every morning she waits by my door for me to wake up so she can give me a hug and a semi kiss. Now when I say hug she actually puts her paws around me and squeezes my thighs and then I bend down for a lick on the cheek.

She doesn't like the lick on the cheek because of the stubble. She prefers the lips but because I brush my teeth in the morning she will put her snout in my arm pit. I guess for dogs that's like smelling a butt. So I shouldn't be offended. I don't particularly want her tongue on my lips anyway.

Any way I say all of this to let you know that Abby has decided to change the order of things. She has decided to teach me a new way of getting her morning snack. My alarm goes off. I take care of my morning duties then brush my teeth. I open the door expecting Abby to be there wagging her tail ready to give me my hug, attempted kisses, and arm pit smell.

She is not there. I say Abby where are you..... nothing.... I hear thump, thump, thump, I walk into the kitchen and she is facing the drawer where her snacks are and her tail is hitting the fridge. " Don't I get a hug this morning" "woof" " I didn't say speak " I tell her. "If you want a snack you'll have to give me my hug and I promise not to breath on you."

She nudges the drawer "woof". I sigh. I'm not going to let her have a snack with out working for it. I open the drawer and take out her favorite snack, it's a piece of dried chicken. I close the drawer and hold the snack high in the air.

Now I pat my thigh and say "give me a hug". She stands and does her dance twirling around on her hind legs. ( She's a Labradoodle) "no I didn't say dance" - "sit" - she sits, "now give me a hug" and I slap my thy, she plays dead. "Up!" she gets up wagging her tail eyes on her snack .

"Abby I'm the master and you're not getting the snack UNTIL YOU GIVE ME MY MORNING HUG". Abby lays down and puts her paws over her ears.
I feel bad.

Now I'm talking baby talk "come on Abby give daddy a huggy poo" She gives me the best rollover I've ever seen then she sits and smiles at me her tongue hanging out tail wagging , eyes twinkling and and lifting her paw she says "woof woof" "some times I just want to change it up a little and play a game. All you want to do is get your hug get me a snack so you can get your coffee watch the news and get on with your day." This is what it seems she's saying.

Ok I've learned my leasson from now on we'll make getting treats more a little more fun.

My dog is so smart.

So I had a heart attack blah...blah...blah

2009-02-11T07:27:00.004-05:00

Well I haven't written anything in a while. I did pirate something from my brother. He wondered why I would write any thing as long as he had material to steal.

He suggested that I use his writing service "Letters that Leave a Mark" and he would be happy to fill my post with witty repertoire.
http://www.lettersthatleaveamark.com/Letters_that_leave_a_mark/Welcome.html

Believe me I'm thinking about it. He didn't offer a discount though.

So here we are in February. It was a year ago that I had the first "It's the big one". Yeah I see your eyes rolling. "Here he goes with another heart story blah....blah... blah..."

Hey - I've earned the right to celebrate a year of life. Feb 25, 2008 was a life turning event. That you can't deny. So now that I look back did I learn a lesson? Change my lifestyle? Become a positive role model for heart attack survivors every where?

Ah...no.

I probably need to join a group. But in Tampa the "Mended Hearts" program has disbanded. So unless I want to step up to the plate and start another one (as good as my intentions are) I don't have the skills, persona, leadership qualities, or what I call the likability it takes to draw people in. Believe it or not I'm not a people person. -you did read the Scrooge post didn't you?

So I will celebrate my anniversary quietly knowing I have 3 more anniversaries this year. Each a milestone in it's own right.

As I pat myself on the back I bid you adieu.

Never Take the Redeye Into D.C

2009-01-27T16:49:00.005-05:00

I want to share a short story my brother wrote. I think he's a good writer and would like your opinion. Please comment if you liked it or not. And make any suggestions you see needed
:You can read more of his stuff here. http://www.storiestoldinshort.blogspot.com/ and http://www.thewayronseesit.blogspot.com/ and http://www.lettersthatleaveamark.com/Letters_that_leave_a_mark/Welcome.html

Never take the redeye into D.C.
Finally the plane touched down and all Ralph wanted was a hot shower and a fresh pillow. His weekend trip to Vegas taught him two things; never eat Nevada shrimp and the house always wins. Some old friends beckoned him to spend three days looking for the big score, and rehashing youthful adventures. So, Ralph, recently divorced, with midlife crises in full surrender, needed excitement rather than sleep and headed for the desert. That seemed so long ago, Ralph thought, as the jet taxied to gate 420.

This redeye from Los Vegas to D.C. had its fair share of Sin-City indulgers. Ralph, in the same clothes he left in three days ago, looked perfectly in place. Not only did the cabin smell somewhere between gas station air-freshener and spoiled milk, it also had the feel of nothing more than a Greyhound bus with wings. A handful of passengers that were awake barely noticed the plane pulling into the terminal.

Standing up, Ralph grabbed his bag and waited for other passengers to uncoil and motivate their languid bodies into some form of movement. Slowly, he made his way down the aisle; with each step the space became more obstructed. Bodies, just like his, that haven’t seen daylight, or probably a washcloth in three days, converge down a two-foot wide path.

Just get me off this plane and a hot shower and I’ll be happy, Ralph thought. Exiting the cabin door, Ralph even noticed the flight attendants looked as if they had a few all-nighters in the August desert.

Ralph thought nothing of the two security guards standing with a man in a dark suite at the end of the hallway. Ralph checked his watch, 3am, I’ll be home by four, he thought.

With about twenty yards between him and the guards, Ralph heard one say, “That’s him!” With an all out sprint, the guards rushed up to Ralph.“Stop right here, Mr. Thornway!”“What, Thornway, what are you talking about?” Ralph said.Just as Ralph got those words out the man in the dark suit slapped handcuffs around Ralph’s wrist.

“Good work boys. Now, I’d appreciate it if you could find an interrogation room I could use to ask Mr. Thornway a few questions,” the man said.

“Wait, what are you doing, my name is Webber, Ralph Webber.”

The early morning airport was nearly deserted. This kind of excitement never happened during the graveyard shift, so one of the guards puffed up, “Come with me sir, I’ll get you a private office.”

“Now wait a minute,” Ralph said. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not Thornway!” Just then the man flashed a badge, “I’m detective Murphy from narcotics, and I decide where you go. Take him away boys.”

The guards along with Detective Murphy ushered Ralph down a small hallway just off the main corridor. Ralph pleaded his case the whole way.

“I’m Ralph Webber, not this Thornway character you’re talking about. I need to call a lawyer, I have rights!”

“Pipe down Thornway, or the only rights you’ll get are the last ones,” Detective Murphy said.

“Here you go sir,” one of the guards said as he unlocked a door. “No one’s due in here for hours, so take your time.”

The other guard pushed Ralph into a small chair and then slid him up to the desk. Detective Murphy went around the desk and glared at the guards.

“That will be all boys, I’ve got it from here,” Murphy stated.The guards closed the door. For once they had a story to tell the hotshots on the day shift.

Ralph studied Detective Murphy’s sharp creased pants and polished shoes. Although it was past 3am, he looked fresh in a starched white shirt and thin blue tie. On the other hand, Ralph looked as any man would who hadn’t slept for 72 hours and just came off a 5 hour flight. Even in his exhausted state, Ralph noticed the detective looked old enough for retirement.

Murphy lit a cigarette.“I don’t think you can smoke in here,” Ralph said.“Shut-up son, I call the shots.” Then the detective blew smoke in Ralph’s face.

“Are you arresting me,” Ralph said through a cough. “Because I’m not Thornway, check my ID in my wallet,” Ralph coughed some more.

“Son, I can get a fake ID anywhere in this town you call a society. All it takes is a couple of rocks and some hello bent weed to become anybody you want too. For an extra pint, you could get a social security number to validate your fraud, so don’t trouble me with your ID.”

“I want a lawyer,” Ralph said.

“That’s the first thing a guilty man always says. Guys like you always scream about rights. Well mister, what about the rights of the poor kids, pushers like you, live on, huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Okay Thornway, we’ll play your game, I got all night.”

Detective Murphy sat down and faced the opposite wall, leaving Ralph to stare at his bald spot. Ralph felt sweat gather on his upper unshaven lip. Clearly this was a case of mistaken identity, but proving it was becoming difficult to this bizarre cop.

“Look, my name is Ralph Webber. I just spent the weekend with some friends in Las Vegas. I’m a fifty year old divorced father of one child who is currently going to college. I live a very boring life; I’m an accountant for goodness sakes, who votes Republican.”

Detective Murphy spun around and looked a Ralph.

“How do you get your kicks Thornway? Is it red devils, orange bandits, or blue Mary’s, huh? Or maybe you like to go on a sleigh ride with the Cotton brothers and take in a Colorado cocktail while dusting your nose with some California cornflakes. I’ve seen your type before, and I know you better than your paperboy does. He only delivers the mind detergent, but I’ve seen the aftermath of an all-nighter chasing the dragon. You think you can fool me because I wear a suit, well mister, think again. While you’re strung out on white robots and pink witches, I’m cleaning up littered streets and shaking down punks like you. Now, how’s it gonna be Thornway?”

“One more time, but in English please” Ralph said.

“So you want to play cute, huh?

“I don’t want to play anything, I just need a hot shower,” Ralph dropped his head on the table.

“A hot shower, what’s that, a Frisco speedball with a pinch of Mexican firewood?”

“Who are you, and can I see your badge again?”

“Punks like you always try to turn the tables. You saw the badge, just go on memory, but I guess you’re too stoned to recall anything past 5 seconds.”

Ralph’s patience became thin, he wasn’t only worn out from this renegade cop who believed Ralph was Thornway, but now his head throbbed. If he wasn’t handcuffed, he thought, maybe he’d hit Murphy and make a run for it.

“Who’s your travel agent, Thornway?”

“I booked my own flight,” Ralph let out a sigh, now he needed to use the men’s room.

“Ah ha, so you’re a one-stop-shop, I bet you even grow your own ditch-weed and mule it through customs. You’re sick Thornway.”

“No, what, you asked me who my travel agent was, right? And I’m not Thornway!”

“Try me son, and I’ll roll over you like a storm over a Kansas farm house. Now listen fella, you picked a bad night to take the redeye into my district. See I get paid to go on hunches and I can tell by that blank stare of yours my hunch was pretty good. Yeah you’re perturbed right now because tonight the tax payers got their monies worth from a flatfoot like me busting a hippie like you.”

“Hippie?”

“That’s what we called ‘em when I first joined the force. You remember the game Thornway; I used to go down to Washington Square and round you guys up by the thousands. You called them peaceful protests, but it was more like a twelve hour mushroom dance with sugar cubes as an after dinner mint. You played your rock and said it was music, you had sex with any woman that was there and said it was free love, and you dropped acid and said it expanded your mind. I can’t count the times I dragged some kid to my patrol car all strung out on Hawaiian sunshine only to have him retch up last nights party on the backseat of the tax payers vehicle. And then, when he’s processed, booked, and made bail, I’m stuck with crusted vomit on a twenty five dollar jacket that coast ten bananas to clean, but the stench is still there, Thornway. You want to know why, well I’ll tell you mister, because I went out the next day and started the game all over again."

“First of all, I haven’t understood any of this jargon you’re speaking. I’m tired, dirty, my head is pounding, and I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Wishful thinking punk, I’ve dealt with grandmas playing illegal bingo games tougher than you. Do you know what it’s like to be peppered with insults and called pig, fuzz, five-o, and Johnny Law all because you signed up for a job that doesn’t pay well and nobody wants? I didn’t think so, Thornway. You know the only difference between us son, besides that mop over your eyes, and the movies you think are freedoms of speech, is who we answer too. I find gratitude in a day’s work and a good night’s sleep, while you sniff glue in back alleys looking for cut-rate prostitutes that will trade a sandwich-bag with a waffle-dust-chaser for a good time.”

Detective Murphy shot a surly glare waiting for Ralph to finally confess. It might have been the confusing rambles of an unbalanced cop, or the weekend gone on far too long, whatever the case, Ralph had enough. He figured the detective had broken several constitutional laws, so, drained, and eager to talk to someone living in this generation, Ralph finally said, “You got me.”

“I knew it Thornway, that’s why I carry a badge, to hear those three words, ‘you got me.’ A cop never complains about being sick, we don’t understand the word quit, and tired isn’t in our vocabulary. All a cop knows is this week’s pay went for last month’s rent, perhaps a mortgage if we’re lucky, but it doesn’t matter, because happiness is for the other guy, the ones we took an oath to protect and serve. You know when I clock out, Thornway? Try never, Oh, I might get a few hours of shut-eye, but eventually I’ll get that call, the one that makes your insides twitch and your palms sweat, but only for a few seconds, cause you realize you’re always on the job and some kid is blown out of his mind on green-triangles and you’re the only one who can talk him off that ledge."

“Do you ever stop? Why are you telling me this? Either, charge me with something, or let me go.”

“Alright Thornway, the paddy wagon is just outside, so we’re gonna stride out of here like the other side of my pillow, cool like. You got that? Try any funny business and I’ll drop you so fast the starch in your shirt will wonder where you went.”

Detective Murphy stood up and went to the door. “Let’s move Thornway, you’re on the department’s dime.”“I think you’re supposed to read me my rights and tell me exactly what I’m being charged with.”

“When we get down to division, I’ll spell it out for you. Maybe by that time you’ll be down from all the goof balls you’re flying on. Boy you got the habit bad, don’t ya, Thornway?"

Ralph tuned out the best he could, but the detective’s endless monologue played the role of a mosquito he couldn’t quite reach. Murphy droned on about dousing Ralph with lice powder and butch waxing his hair. Ralph received a few looks as he walked handcuffed beside Detective Murphy down the long corridor. Just as they turned a corner, Ralph saw the same two security guards who helped Murphy contain him. Only this time, they were red-faced and standing with another man.

“There he is,” the man said. “Dad, where have you been?”

Murphy froze for a moment, and then said, “Running this pinko downtown.”

“Dad, did you put handcuffs on this man? You know you’re not a cop; we’ve had this conversation before. Now give me the keys and fake badge and stand over there where I can see you. I need to talk to this gentleman in private.”“We’ll watch him for you sir,” one of the guards said.“Yeah, you guys are good at that,” Ralph said.

Murphy muttered something about a confession and then shuffled to the other side of the hallway.

The man freed Ralph’s hands. “Look ah, I’m sorry about my dad. I didn’t know he brought those handcuffs with him.” the man said. “We’re here to catch a flight so he can see a specialist, and he just wondered off. I hope you understand. See, lately, he’s been going on police websites looking at wanted drug dealers and learning the language they use. Then, the other day, he watched a Dragnet marathon on television, and now he thinks he’s Joe Friday.”

“That’s it,” Ralph said. “It makes sense now. Say no more, I just want to get out of here and get a hot shower, forget about it.”

“So you don’t want to press charges?”

“No, let’s not make this worse for the old man.” Ralph said a quick goodbye and was gone. As soon as he reached the airport exit his cell phone rang. Ralph looked at the number, shook his head, and then answered.“Where you been,” the voice on the other end said.“Oh, I got delayed by some geezer living in TV Land.”“Well, what’s the word?” the voice said. “I got the big score. My travel agent in Vegas said he’d have the white robots to the paperboy by Thursday. Right now, I’ve got three mules ready to transport the rest of the orange bandits. I’ll call you after I get a hot shower.”

“A hot shower, isn’t that a Frisco speedball with a pinch of Mexican firewood?”

“That’s a fact, sir. Hey, and one more thing, Thornway,” Ralph said.“What’s that?”“Never take the redeye into D.C.”Read more!
Posted by Ron at 7:31 AM 1 comments
Monday, May 26, 2008

I'm so a Biggot?

2009-01-09T13:41:00.010-05:00

I lost my phone over the Christmas holidays. I had been to 3 places that day. The bank, Amscot to pay electric bill, and the pharmacy to pick up Rx.

When I got home I couldn't find my cell. I looked every where to no avail. Then I called all the places where I had been. No one had my phone. Cathy suggested we retrace our steps.

I knew I shouldn't have worn these shorts, things are always falling out of them. Yes shorts we live in Florida - no shorts today though it's in the 60's brrrrr.

So all the while we're looking Cathy is also calling my phone hoping we will either hear where it is in the house or some one will pick up.

We decided to retraced our steps. Starting at the bank. I pulled into the same spot and the phone was not on the ground so I went inside. Banks have a lower ledge so the teller may not have seen my phone on the counter. But it was not there. And we had the same luck at the other two places.

Disappointed we returned home. Cathy continued calling but nothing happened. I was afraid she would run down the battery so I told her to quit.

I cooked some supper and we settled down to watch some TV when Cathy's phone rang. My beautiful puss appeared on the screen. A lady of ethnic origin said she accidentally picked up the phone at the Indian store across from the ****Club in a seedy part of Tampa. She said it looked exactly like hers. Well my phone has paint all over it so it doesn't look like any ones phone.

But to give her the benefit of a doubt maybe her phone has splattered neon blue paint on it too.

She said she would take it back to the store - which is a convenient store in a neighborhood called College Hill in the town where I live. I don't know where it got its name. There are no colleges there that I know of. Just a bad neighborhood. But she said to hurry because the store closed at 7.

When a convenient store closes at 7 you know it's a bad neighbor hood.

Then Cathy and I debated do we leave now at 6:15 it's dark. A delicious meal is on our TV trays. We really have no clue where where this club or the store is - just the general area. Or do we wait till morning.

I say lets wait. She says lets go for it. Why is it women never see the danger. You know when your watching a scary movie and the beautiful girl can't help but go down the scary stairs to the scary basement knowing full well the scary boogy man is waiting for her and all she has to do is go out the front door and be safe. But nooooo she has to see what's down there making the noise.

That's what it felt like.

Next thing I know I'm heading for College Hill and Cathy's calling " The Club" trying to talk all sexy asking where the club is and I think she's getting a date but not sure. Any way we get the directions and arrive 5 mins before closing.

Now do I get out of the car? After all it was Cathy's idea to go after dark. Shouldn't she go in? We see a convenient store at the corner of the street intersection but no club. It's well lit. There's kids playing in the street. I see a mother pushing a double stroller with twins, and a couple old guys laughing on the corner. I look around and nothing out of the ordinary strikes me. So I man up and tell Cathy to distract the lady with the twins and I'll take on the old guys on the corner, then cover me while I duck and run to the front door. Then lock your doors and call 911 if I'm not back in 15 minutes.

I got out of the car and knew instantly that this was the Indian store from the spices permeating the air outside. I ducked inside and scope out the store. I walked the parameter checking each isle so no one would be behind me as I approached the counter. A tall middle eastern gentlemen ask if he could help me. "The blue wing Samsung was left this eve" I said. " I beg your pardon" he said. "Some one was supposed to leave my phone here", I said. He then ask for my phone number, which he dialed, and sure enough the phone began to ring. He gave me by phone with a frown. Some people have no sense of humor.

I know a let down right . You probably thought I might have to fight my way out. No. That's Cathy's job.

I learned a lesson. Don't judge a neighborhood by it's history. And people are basically the same every where. There's good and bad in all of us. And maybe don't stick around past 7 o'clock, of course this could be the policy of this one convenient store.

Also don't jump to conclusions about someone stealing your phone. Here's what I think happened:

If a thief stole it why leave it some where and not just throw it away.

I have never been to that store. So I think this good lady did exactly as she said or was covering up for one of her children who did a foolish thing as all children do.

My scenario:

I was in the Bank. A teenager cashed their check after me and took the phone but
could not get it to work. The phone kept ringing. The mother came in and asked
where they had gotten the phone. The child said they had found it. The mother
saw all the incoming calls from the same person and hit resend. And you know the rest.
Rick O'Shea

I'm such a Scrooge

2009-01-05T15:31:00.008-05:00

This has been the best Christmas ever. Why? Because I became a "Scrooge"
Not because I turned my heart against Christmas. Well in a way I did. I turned my heart away from the Christmas Trap. You know the Trap that starts, most people say, the day after Thanksgiving, but actually it's the day after Halloween when the decorations go up.

I have to admit I did not want to get our trappings down from the attic. "You know honey I have had some poor health issues this year and I don't think I can go up and down, up and down, to get those boxes down. Especially that big tree that weights a ton and barely fits through the hole in the attic." This is what I told my wife. " Well get what you can and I'll help you when I get home" her reply. Mine Sighhhh!!!!

I don't think you realize how much Christmas crap we have collected in the 22 years we have been married. (forgive me Lord I shouldn't have said crap and Christmas in the same sentence) but Santa Clauses of every shape and color, race. Snow men in globes snow angels snow men nativity scenes, snow men who light up and change colors a lot of stuff given by friends and coworkers put out not to hurt feelings. This is crap.

We have carollers of every shape and size, and every country we visit we buy a nativity from that country I don't know why.

I admit I used to be into it. 10 15 years ago. We would go antiquing and see a caroler or Santa or antique ornament and we do have some nice stuff but enough already.

Nutcrackers did I mention those. African safari animal ornaments are all that are allowed on our tree. And the tree looks amazing I must admit. My wife does a great job with it.

But the Scrooginess is catching. Cathy agreed we had too much stuff and so we only put out a few things. The big Nativity and a couple antique ones. A couple carollers. The tree of course. And hung some stockings. Less is better. It always looked cluttered before.

All my gifts were home made or free promotional products from work. Like T-shirts with sport logos and our hospital logo on them also cardiac medical company t-shirts (Scrooge right?). I also took some snap shots of my nephews and their familes during Thanksgiving and printed one in black in white which I put in a frame from the dollar store and 1 8X10 color for each of them hardly cost any thing. Pluse each got a set of heart shaped playing cards also a promotional item from the hospital I worked for. Free (more Scrooginess) Of course my parents each got a 10 dollar gift. A very thoughtful 10 dollar gift. Very very thoughtful gift. I know you think I'm cheep. No I'm a Scrooge.

And not being anxious about finding the right gift I found my self relaxed, made a few goodies for the neighbors and had a good time just spending time with friends and family.

So Am I A Scrooge? I think in a good way. You know the day after the 3 spirits visits Ebenezer. After all he was still Scrooge, at least I don't think he changed his name.

So I'm getting away from trying to out give.
I could never out give any one in my family any way. The best thing to give is your Scroogy self.

Ba Hum Bug to the Trappings. They're easy to trip over.

Rick O'Scrooge out.

By the way, don't tell Cathy, but we have some really nice Christmas decrative items for sale cheep. Just drop me a line.

Old Friends - Missed Friends

2008-12-18T10:38:00.006-05:00

I ran into an old friend last night. My wife and I have known Louis and his wife Cheryl since 1989 or 90. Then around 1997 we lost track of each other.
He had been the Music Director at Belmount Baptist Church in Temple Terrace Florida and had hired me as pianist for the church. Louis left the Church when a new pastor came on board. We really hated to see Bill Mitchell go as pastor but to have Louis leave also was equally bad.

But this is not what I want to talk about. About 2 years ago maybe a little less or more Louis's wife Cheryl died of cancer. I learned about it through a mutual friend who happened into where I worked one day. I was shocked. He told me Louis was back at our old church, Belmount Baptist. So I tried to contact him with out any luck.

I've been full of my own self pity any way so I put it out of my mind.

This brings me to my post subject. Why does God select one over another to take. Cheryl had a family. A loving husband and two bright eager kids who loved and needed her. From what I remember about her she served her Lord and family faithfully. She was every thing a mother and wife should be. She was fun to be around, yet quiet and unassuming. She was never afraid to give her opinion but didn't force the issue and served quietly in the back ground. She was a really good person. Not selfish, or boastful. I wish I could have gotten to know her better.

Cancer is usually not a quick death. To have your children live through that with you must be a hard thing to say the least. I don't know how long Cheryl knew or her kids knew or how long Louis knew. I know people who have suffered for years and others not so long.

When I saw him, Louis, last night he seemed at peace. He had a joy in his heart that only comes from one place. We had been to the Glen Beck's "Christmas Sweater" It was about Glen's journey through his storm. Louis has been through a storm. I have been through a different storm. Every one goes through a storm or storms of life.

One thing I have done in my blog has been selfishly talking about how I got through my storm and not thought about my wife and how she dealt with it or the rest of my family not knowing if I would survive and how they worried. I am sorry.

But seeing Louis and seeing how he is dealing with his storm is an inspiration. Even though we only spent 30 minutes talking. I feel he has started moving on and is going to be okay.
Louis I wish we would have stayed in touch with you and Cheryl. I count Cheryl as a friend and will miss her. I hope we can rekindle our friendship and I want to hear all about Cheryl's life since 1997

Thanks and Giving

2008-11-26T12:11:00.008-05:00

There's a blog I follow DeFiNe NoRmAl by Moody who has inspired me to write something about Thanksgiving. She posted of things people would usually take for granted or not think about.

So I can't copy her but I do have some things for which to be thankful.

Some of you who know the history of Cathy and my life over the last 2 years may wonder why I should be thankful. Cathy lost her job of 17 plus years as an executive with Pepin Heart Hospital in Tampa Florida with a 6 figure salary. Having lived in that life style to say it was quite a shock is an under statement. But.....thankfully she found a job - 1/2 the salary and 70 miles away but gas is coming down hallelujah.
And were making it.

Then the next year I was out of work with several heart attacks and congestive heart failure, and an ICD implant, thus loosing my job. I'm on the mend thank you God.

I have been surrounded by friends and family giving me support.
I found a church that's also supporting me.

I will be having a bodacious feast with my family.

Now the giving ...I want to give back to the community for giving back to me. There is an organization called " Mended Hearts" where people like me who have had the kinds of heart problems that I have had go and visit patients in the hospital and share their story. And explain what emotions the patient may expect to go through. And answer question in layman's terms. Face it most Dr's. have not gone through open heart surgery or any other heart problems and don't really under stand the psychological emotions that one goes through. I don't claim to have all the answers and of course I will receive training but I have found out that I love to talk about it and and love hearing other peoples stories. It's very therapeutic

And (drum roll please) The number 1 thing to be thankful for is I'm Alive!!! I've not just been given 1 do over but 4 so please God don't let me screw this up.

Mind over Body or Waste a Mind Loose a Soul

2008-11-14T08:56:00.012-05:00

I've always thought that the phrase "mind over body" was just something your parents, coaches, teachers, pastor, or priest, or any other adult who had influence over you might say to get you to do the thing or things that "you" needed to do.

I've heard that coaches will tell an injured player to get back on the field it's mind over body. You can do play through this. My parents have said "you can do anything you set your mind to" Even Yoda, the greatest Jedi teacher in the galaxy, says "do or do not....there is no try"

I thought I had this mind thing under control. Well that's not true. I should say I never believed that the mind had much to do with health.

One hears a lot of success stories of how people turn 50 cents into triple quadzillion million dollars. "Because they set their mind to it." Well I've tried some of these mind things and always end up poorer than I started.

Maybe I'm just lazy. My mind doesn't work that way. There are great people all through history who have done extraordinary things. "What ever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve"....Napolean Hill. There are hundreds of such quotes that can be found with a simple Google search.

Google... what mind could have dreamed of such a thing 50, 40, 30, or even 20 years ago? I guess Mr. Google if there is such a person.

Getting back to mind over body. I've been doing some research, thanks to Mr. Google, on how the mind can effect the body. You might think heart disease is linked only with physical activities but your thoughts, attitudes, and emotions are just as important. They can not only accelerate the onset of heart disease, but also get in the way of taking positive steps to improve your health.... The American Psychological Association.

You may wonder why I'm obsessing about the mind? Well... my last hospitalization had to do with my mind. Though your mind can heal it can also make you sick or make you think your sick. I am embarrassed to say the latter is what happened to me on Oct. 21 -the dreaded day of the month.

I had just finished eating dinner and was watching TV when I started having chest pain. My heart felt like a it was going to beat out of my chest. I was hyperventilating and told my wife to call 911. The strange thing is I don't remember telling her this.

Any way I was rushed once again to Pepin Heart Hospital where they did an EKG and blood tests. Because of my history I was admitted. Blood was drawn several time over 2 days and my troponins were normal. Troponins are cardiac enzymes that determine heart attack or heart damage. In the past my troponins have been elevated. This has been the only time where they have been very low or normal 0.14.

So now we're left with the embarrassing part. Did I have a cardiac event? No. Did I think I was having a cardiac event? Yes. What happened?

I had an appointment with my shrink a week after I was discharged from the hospital. When I told him what happened he very bluntly and coolly said "panic attack". I've had anxiety before but nothing like this. This was defiantly cardiac. Well ... apparently not.

Definition:
A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that develops for no apparent reason and that triggers severe physical reactions. Panic attacks can be very frightening. When panic attacks occur, you might think you're losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.

Panic attack symptoms can include:
Rapid heart rate
Sweating
Trembling
Shortness of breath
Hyperventilation
Chills
Hot flashes
Nausea
Abdominal cramping
Chest pain
Headache
Dizziness
Faintness
Tightness in your throat
Trouble swallowing
A sense of impending death

So let me apologize to all those who were so concerned about me having another heart event. I'm fine I'm taking my medication and hopefully it won't happen again. The only thing is how do I know the difference between the panic attack and the heart attack. I guess I'll take an extra xanax and wait and see if I go into cardiac arrest. When that happens my ICD should give me a jolt.

I need to think good thoughts or the next stop will be the loony bin.

I'll leave you with this:

Think
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win but you think you can't,
You can almost be certain you won't.
If you think that you'll lose, you are lost,
For out in the world you will find
Success begins with a person's will;
It's all in the state of the mind.
If you think you're outclassed you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've just got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To a stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the person who wins
Is the person that THINKS they can.
- Anon.

I don't know is this just sappy humbo jumbo? It would be so much easier if there was a pill...

And now a few quotes from http://despair.com/viewall.html

Adversity
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

Blame
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Challenges
I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent

Hey if you can't laugh at yourself then.....well uh ...what was I saying?

Familiy and Friends Network

2008-11-07T08:27:00.017-05:00

Through all my whining and belly aching I've had people standing by ready to help, encourage, and up lift.

This post is dedicated to you.

I have one more hospitalization to write about but it's embarrassing so I'm putting it off until I thank all those who mean so much to me.

First and foremost there's my wife Cathy or, "CJ", which a lot of people know her by. She has been as forthright about my condition as anyone can be. She has eased my mind, encouraged me to get help mentally, listen to my complaints, bore my depression and tantrums. And did every thing except cook chicken soup. I have belittled her. And hurt her emotionally she has shed many tears on my account. It's true that you hurt the ones closest to you. She helped me see beyond my selfishness, consoled me when I cried, and made me see life goes on.

To my family thank you for your prayers mom and your delicious vanilla custard. Dad, for your prayers,fixing my lawnmower, mowing my grass when it was up to your knees. Randall for your prayers, and also mowing the front yard and part of the back which was also up to your knees and using a push mower witch made it harder to mow. It meant a lot to Cathy when you and your Kathy sat with my Cathy during surgery. Ron, you also gave of your time to do the same, plus weed eating around the house and kept me laughing with your whit. All of you came to see me in the hospital to lift me up even when I was rude and didn't want to see any one, you knew I needed a lift and wouldn't take no for an answer. You've made me laugh, something I didn't think I would do again.

To my across the street neighbors: Mark, Sylvia, Mathew, and Michael. As soon as you found out about my condition you supplied food, mowed and edged and leaf blown my driveway. I know you kept me in your prayers. And you did all of this despite your own limitations and health issues.

To my good friends and neighbors to my right, Allen and Elaine. You've shown concern, and was there for me. Allen thanks for checking up on me. Almost daily you came by to visit and see if I needed any thing. You also helped keep my yard in shape. You've prayed for me each night. Offered to take me any where I needed to go. You two have been a blessing, despite Allen's lecture on over doing it. And also their daughter Lisa for mowing my yard.

To my boss and fellow workers who gave up their paid time off (PTO) to help make up for the time I was out of work without pay. For your watchful eye checking up on me. My two Robert friends. ER Robert who is always eger to listen to my progress. And to Robert surgical materials for getting me out of the house and coming by my cubby hole to cheer me up.

To Emie and Tia checking up to see if I was eating the things I should and shouldn't eat. And to those who gave monetary gifts.

Nurse Nancy who has always been a good friend and gave me moral support. Even though you talk a lot Nancy, you've also been a good listener.

To Dr. Pascual: You were not only my cardiologist but you became my friend. Not a lot of physicians give out their personal cell number and then tell you to call any time if needing something. You and your prayer warrior wife prayed for me. I don't know if you do this for all your patients, but if you do you're on your knees a lot. You've been patient with me and scolded me without putting me down. I've had some Dr's. talk down to me. But you've always been upfront and honest. And kept your ego in check. You were not above consulting other doctors for their opinion and even consulting CJ. I can never thank you enough. You've saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

To my church family at MCC Tampa. Rev. Phyllis, and Villia for your visits and prayers and your words of encouragement. Rev. Kathy for sitting with Cathy while I was having open heart surgery, and for her visits and cards of encouragement and also for her editing help. Thank you also Kathy for telling me you needed your Rick hugging fix. To Kathy's help mate and partner's hugs and friendly words and her great smile when she sees me. And Ross for serving Holy Communion when the other pastors were away. For the congregational team who prayed, called, and sent cards. And I must mention the choir for their prayers and hugs. Shirley for her cards and visit to the hospital. This church is the most huggingist church I've ever been a part of.

My special friend David who cheered me up. Put me in my place when I needed it. Texted me daily to check up on me. For his many visits to sit and listen, watch a movie, or make muffins.

To Mac for his hospital visits and friendship. His great smile when he sees me. His bear hugs. His patience through my fickleness.

For my friends at Wellswood Baptist Church for your prayers, and emails. Jo and her family for allowing me to be apart of Dustin and Tiffany's wedding , giving me the okay to video their wedding. This helped me recoup and took my mind off my problems.

To Sheri my stepdaughter, granddaughter Madelyn, grandson Derek, and to Ricardo who all showed concern while dealing with their own issues, It's been a year of hell for them too.

To those I have forgotten like June, a volunteer at UCH, who gave me weekly updates on work and checked on me by phone. She has been a good friend through all of this.(I love the way she calls me "darling"

I've been hugged, kissed, given money, had yard sales on my behalf, gotten loans and then had them forgiven. I been prayed for by people I don't know, been scolded, encouraged, loved, and had those who endured boring recounts of my cardiac procedures. (sorry about that)

Lest I forget. My constant compaion Abby. Who listens, gives me kisses, and guards my heart. And always ready for a belly rub.

Thank you and blessings be to all.

Rick

PS. Be prepared for a camera intrusion. I want pictures to display on this post. Don't be shy.

Beware of the 20th

2008-11-01T11:06:00.012-04:00

I'm starting to dread the 20th of the month or the week of the 20th. To bring you up to speed my cardiac events fell on 02/25/08 - 03/24/08 - 04-17-08 - 07-06-08 (this one of course was an exception) 08/21/08 and 09/20/08. So you can see why I'm a little anxious in and around the 20th of the month.

As you know I had an ICD placement on August 21. We had a little BD party in my room for my dad. Most of which I don't remember.

Every thing was fine. I was sore and had to take more time off than planned. And subsequently my relationship with my employer was severed. I guess we divorced.

Then on Sept. 20th I had a CHF Congestive Heart Failure episode.

I had been to a meeting in Ybor City at 1 pm. Parking 4 blocks away I started walking to the Green Iguana a laid back sports bar and restaurant - which to my surprise allows dogs in the restaurant, should have taken Abby. Anyway I was walking to the meeting place and had to stop a couple of times to catch my breath. I thought, man I'm getting old.

But I made it to the meeting of the Tampa Area Libertarians, TAL. I had a really good time meeting getting to know some of the other members and their philosophy.

Toward the end of the meeting I started coughing and couldn't stop. So I excused myself and made my way back to my truck. I was more out of breath than before. If you know Ybor there are park benches at every street light about 3 or 4 per block. I had to stop and rest at every one of those benches.

When I got home I weighed myself, which I have to do every day. I weighed 218 lbs. That morning I weighed 207. I had gained 11 lbs in one day.

I called Dr. Pascual and he said to go to the ER. So once again I was hospitalized. If you're not bored already I'll try to get technical.

The symptoms of CHF vary among people according to which organ systems are involved and depending on the degree to which the rest of the body has "compensated" for the heart muscle weakness. We've talked before about ejection fraction EF.

Fatigue is an early symptom of CHF. While fatigue is an indicator of CHF, the symptom may be caused by other things. My exercise was limited. Some people might not realize what's going on and curtail some of their activities.

As my body became overloaded with fluid from CHF, swelling or (edema) of the ankles and legs and abdomen occured. Also fluid accumulated in the lungs, causing shortness of breath particularly while walking, exertion, and lying flat. Some people might wake at night, gasping for air.

I had been unable to get to sleep unless sitting upright. I was having trouble sleeping because of the wheezing. When I exhaled my lungs would whistle. And not a cheery tune.

The extra fluid caused increased urination. Accumulation of fluid in the liver and intestines can cause stomach cramps and or nausea and decreased appetite. But I didn't have the stomach cramps or decreased appetite.

For more info check out this site.

.http://www.medicinenet.com/congestive_heart_failure/page2.htm

I was put on a potassium chloride drip, and intravenous Lasix. After three days I went home. Good as new or as new as a 54 yo with CHF, CAD, a CABG, HBP, High cholesterol, and several more abbreviations I can't remember. Lest I forget I have an ICD of which I wish would go ahead and shock me so I'll know what I'm dealing with.

Anyway on the mend.

O'shea

EP Study in a Nutshell

2008-10-22T08:18:00.021-04:00

I know you all have been waiting with baited breath. What does "baited breath" mean any way?

Whatever, I survived a month without so much as a murmur. Much to the chagrin of my insurance company. I shouldn't say that the Dr's were just following protocol.
My brother's definition or protocol.
Protocol:

Patient
Roulette
Organized
Through
Official
Channels
Obstructing
Logic
P.R.O.T.O.C.O.L

Watch this video if you would rather not read this post.

On August 14 I met with Dr. Anonni my Electrophysisist, or maybe he's an electrophysiologist.

Probably the latter. Hold on a sec while I check. Isn't the Internet wonderful it is the latter.

Dr. Anonni my Electrophysiologist, saw that my EF or ejection fraction had not improved so he suggested a two lead ICD, or implantable carioverter defibrillator.

This will shock my heart when and if my heart goes into arrhythmia or stops.

I recieved the dual chamber ICD. Leads are attached in the right atrium and the right ventricle. Energy is delivered first to the right atrium and then to the right ventricle, helping your heart to beat in a normal sequence.
Before the ICD is implanted Anonni wants to do an EP study. No one has explained what the EP study consists of. All I've gotten so far is that the ICD is a simple in and out procedure. I guess my in and out is different from doctors in and out. Because after the ICD placement I was in the hospital four days. With a return to work in 2 weeks. Does this sound like a simple in and out procedure? And even with doctors release for work I had restrictions, no lifting, pushing, pulling five lbs or more for 6 weeks.

Of course by now my employer is fed up with having to temporarily fill my position. I had told them I would be back to work on the Monday after my ICD. My employer would not accept the restrictions for returning to work. Thus I was fired.

I veered off course sorry about that. Back to the EP Study. I had not clue what this entailed. I searched the Internet and could find nothing simple that I could understand. But now after the fact I have found a website. http://www.stronghealth.com/services/cardiology/cathep/eplab/havinganepstudy.cfm

Let me see if I can explain what I under stand it to be:

An EP study is a minimally invasive diagnostic test. The study is performed after the patient is given a local anesthesia and conscious sedation with medicine through an IV. BUZZZZZ!! I was put totally asleep. I was told on the table that I would be put to sleep. But there was no anesthesiologist that I know of in the lab. Remember in and out and on my way.

Back to the study. The procedure involves inserting one or more catheters—narrow, flexible tubes attached to electricity-monitoring electrodes—into a blood vessel, often through a site in the groin or neck, and passing the catheter wire up into the heart. Seems every time I go into the hospital something is passed through my groin. What's up with that?

The journey from entry point to heart muscle is navigated by images created by a fluoroscope, that provides continuous, live images of the catheter and heart muscle.

Once the catheter reaches the heart, electrodes at its tip gather data and a variety of electrical measurements are made. This data pinpoints the location of the faulty electrical site. While this is going on an electrophysiologist, may instigate the use of tiny electrical impulses, to induce the arrhythmia that are causing the problem. These induced events are safe, given the range of experts and resources close at hand. The inducement is necessary to ensure the precise location of the problem. DING !!!! I had the best experts in central Florida at Pepin Heart Hospital and Kuran C. Patel Vascular Institute. And Dr. Anonni is said to be the best EP guy around.

Once the damaged site or sites are found, the specialist may administer different medications or electrical impulses to determine their ability to halt the arrhythmia and restore normal heart rhythm. The specialist will choose to place an ICD or a pacemaker or will perform radiofrequency ablation. (Not sure what this is). I got the former as you know.

The procedure usually takes about 2 hours. The patient remains still for 4 to 6 hours afterward to ensure that the entry point incision begins to heal properly. The 2 hour part I was told. Ding!

The rest I was not. Buzz!

Now wasn't that easy? I don't know why it's so difficult for doctors or their PA's to go through this procedure with the patient. Is it because the Internet is so readily available for information to be found? I gotta tell ya that the Internet is not always spot on.

My cardiologist had no problem telling me the basic facts of cutting a pocket in the left pectoral muscle and implanting the ICD. I'm not sure that he knew there would be an EP study first,
Or he would have given me more information. I'm sure Dr. Pascual, my cardiologist, assumed that Dr. Annoni would give me the facts.

God Bless Ya and Cross Your Fingers

2008-10-04T13:20:00.008-04:00

It was 3 months almost to the day since my bypass. I was scheduled to meet with the EP guy Dr. Annoni the following week. Things seemed to be going well.

July 6th I was working on this blog. I was tired and decided to give it a rest, even though it was only 9:30 in the morning. Getting up from the computer, the same pain I had grown to recognize reared its ugly head. "Ignore it". Pace, sit down, pace again and pray it’s not what you think.

I called to my wife, Cathy. She silenced my protest and called 911. I was taken back to Pepin. Tests were done, blood was drawn.

The frustrating thing is, is that I know my body and I know what this particular pain feels like. But before the results of the test were back I had an ER doctor telling me that it could be many things but almost definitely not cardiac. I had a feeling he was going to discharge me.

As it turns out my troponins were up which meant it was a cardiac event. A small event but never the less it was a heart attack.

Once again I was scheduled for a heart cath. My LAD bypass had closed. However the LAD stent which had been occluded was now open. I'm not sure if the stent opened and therefore the heart decided the bypass was no longer needed or the opposite. Or maybe the heart attack was from a small vessel in the heart somewhere. Only God knows for sure.

Dr. Pascual had thought that since I was in the hospital anyway I should go ahead and have the ICD. He would inform Dr. Annoni to start the wheels rolling. However, since it was a cardiac event, Dr. Annoni said I would have to wait another 30 days per protocol. I'm beginning to wonder if protocol is getting in the way of my health.

What's with this protocol? Another way of saying your insurance doesn't want to pay for this so lets wait and see if you live another 30 days?
God bless ya and cross your fingers.

Well I'll show em.

I Will Survive HF

2008-09-15T09:14:00.012-04:00

Living with Heart Disease is one thing. Living with Heart Failure is quite different.

I actually didn't realize I had HF until 2 1/2 months after my open heart surgery. I was asked by Dr. Pasqual to have an echo cardiogram. Not sure what that would mean.

I knew that I had SOB, shortness of breath, but I thought it was a by -product of the 4 bypasses. The SOB would go away in time.

I work in a hospital and know the people in cardiology. I asked Mary Ella, the echo tech if she would perform the test,under the radar so to speak, as my insurance only pays for 1 every 6 months. Since Mary Ella and Dr. Pascual are friends she agreed to the task.

During the echo, which is much like a sonogram for pregnancy, two techs were in the room. Mary Ella and a newbie who was learning the echo stuff that newbies have to learn. There was a lot of knob turning, button pushing, moving the cold slimy wand around to get the best picture, and a lot of tech speech. I don't speak techie so I didn't quite under stand what they were saying.

I think techs should speak English since we're in America. But that's straying from the post.

If you want to know more about echo cardiograms check out this site.
http://www.heartsite.com/html/echocardiogram.html

Any way after the procedure I asked Mary Ella for the results. I know Mary Ella and have had other procedures with her and if the test is negative, she will let you know. This is what she told me. " You need to talk to Dr. Pascual. It looks like there's no change."

What? There's no change from what? I wasn't sure what she was telling me no change. I could tell by the look on her face that this wasn't good.

About an hour later Dr. Pascual came to my office and closed the door. This can't be good. He told me not much had changed since the bypasses. I knew this much and said so. Then he started telling me that there was more damage to the heart than he had expected.

Dr. Pascual said that my EF had not improved. Then he explained that the left ventricle pumps oxygenated blood through out the body. My heart is pumping around 30%. So not all the blood pumped in is pumping out. This could lead to arrhythmia's and cardiac arrest.

It was my third heart attack which caused the damage. He recommend an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator, ICD. This would prevent sudden cardiac death.

What? No one had told me I was in danger of sudden death. What do I do until the ICD. Lay in bed and do nothing? I had to work. I had to continue as normal a life as I could. And try to block the words "sudden death" out of my mind.

So while waiting for 3 months per protocol. I had my forth cardiac event.
This pushed my ICD back another month.

Did you know insurance is betting you won't live long enough to have this $30,000.00 device implanted. That my assessment.

I would like to say I still wasn't sure what Dr. Pascual was saying. It didn't make since that I had CHF, congestive heart failure. I felt fine unless I walked fast or did exercise. Which left me with SOB. So it was my HF that was the cause of SOB. Now I under stand what HF means. I read a lot on the Internet to find out what I was dealing with. Some sites were reassuring and others scary.

But people with low EF can reverse this and the heart muscle will repair itself. As I have said before the heart is an amazing organ. I will survive hopefully for years to come.

Rick O'Shea

Out of My Control

2008-08-25T11:56:00.012-04:00

I think we can all agree that beautiful spring morning of April 17, turned ugly real fast.

I arrived at University Community Hospital's, UCH, Er around 1300 hours. Apparently I was taken to the chest pain ER. But I don't remember being there. I do remember being on a stretcher and being pushed fast toward Pepin Heart Hospital, a cardiac wing of UCH.

I knew the route well. My wife spent 7 years in the development of this state of the art cardiac hospital. After which Brigit Shaw the CEO decided my wife CJ was no longer needed and asked her to retire. But this I'll go into later. Maybe I'll do a post on corporate restructuring

I remember being slid unto the cath table. And then I remember someone telling me we were going to surgery. Next thing I remember is waking up in ICU with something down my throat. I was being asked questions but I couldn't speak. Some one asked If my brother ,Randall, and my wife, Cathy, could come see me. I said no. I don't remember saying no, and I don't know why I said no. Maybe because I was laying there with not much on. But my whole family has been there with me on this roller coaster ride.

I was told that I would start breathing on my own and to start coughing so as to remove the breathing tube. This link will describe what happened during the surgery. http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/videos-44022-47.html

Later I found out that I had a quadruple by pass. The first two stents inserted on Feb 25 by Dr. Cato at St. Jo's hospital had knocked off or became occluded or clogged or what ever you call it.

I am using a previous video to explain what happen to my stents.

If you will watch the video closely you will see where an artery branches off. We will call this the Left Anterior Descending or LAD. And the branch to the left we will call the Diagonal or DIAG. This is not exactly where the blockage was. My blockages were just below the junction of the 2 vessels. Stop video at this point.

Imagine if you will two stents placed at this junction of the DIAG from the LAD. The stents are touching and pressing in on each other. Probably not the best solution but hind sight is best. And I'm no doctor so what do I know. But it is at this junction where the stents become totally occluded.

Continue the video. You will notice that as the blood gets backed up. The heart turns black. This is the damage that is done to the heart. Causing heart failure. I mention heart failure before. HF does not mean the heart has stopped functioning. But that the heart is failing to pump at full potential.

My first heart attack did little damage to the heart. However this third event, apparently I've had cardiac events which sound better than attacks, did quite a bit of damage. Now it's taken 3 or 4 months for me to finally get the full story. I don't know if I wasn't told of the damage so as to protect me from the truth. Or that my doctors and surgeons just didn't know the full impact of the 3rd event.

My cardiologist scheduled an echo cardiogram to find the extent of the damage. This was done 3 months after the surgery. There was not much improvement to the heart damage done. He suggested I get an ICD, Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator. This would prevent sudden cardiac arrest or death. He called it life insurance.

In any event, no pun intended, my ride is not over. I'm still on the coaster.

Should I blame Dr. Coto, who is supposed to be one of the best cardiologists in Tampa. Or just forget about it. Some things are just out of a doctors controll. I'll choose the latter.

What a Ride

2008-08-19T07:49:00.005-04:00

In the last post, I left off with Abby, my dog, pining for her master. Looking so forlorn waiting beside my truck for me to come home.

I was in the ambulance on the way to University Community Hospital, Tampa Fl.

My first ambulance trip was nothing like this trip. First let me ask, where do these guys get their drivers license?

In February, if you've been following this blog, I had the first attack. The ambulance ride was more like a roller coaster. The driver decided to take the back road to St. Jo's Hosp. Now if you live in Tampa or Florida you'll know what I'm talking about. Those in power, whom ever they may be, can barely keep up with pot holes on the main roads, much less the back roads.

I felt like I was in an episode of "Mash". The ambulance was rocking back and forth. An EMT was holding the IV bag bracing himself against the side of the ambulance trying not fall on top of me. Another EMT was spraying nitro under my tongue. I have a big mouth, but we would hit pot hole and he would end up spraying my cheek. I could hear the siren going and the horn blowing. It was really quite comical. Why the horn? I can't think of any cross roads from where I was picked up to where I was going. But what do I know I couldn't see out. The guy holding the IV let go long enough to grab some thing and said here chew on these and tried to get four baby aspirin in my mouth. I'm glad the IV was put in before we started the wild ride.

I don't remember much about the ride to University Community Hospital, UCH, I do remember the rocking back and forth. This must be a prerequisite for ambulances. Maybe the government of Hillsborough is spending all of their money on filling pot holes and not on shocks for their ambulances. You've got to give it to these men and women, though, to be able to preform their duties while riding a roller coaster is quite an accomplishment.

I've felt like I've been on a roller coaster since February any way.

Seems every time I think I'm safe from attacks, boom another one. Then the wild ride begins.

A Troubled Heart

2008-08-16T17:10:00.008-04:00

As I said earlier. It hit suddenly with out warning. And It hit severely.

On April 17, 2008 I got up to a beautiful spring day. The sky was clear and the sun was bright. There was a light breeze and low humidity, rare for Florida, but it was spring.

I had a cup of coffee out by the pool then cleaned the coffee pot, made my bed, checked my emails, the usual stuff one does when waiting to go back to work.

My Dr. had released me to go back to work on on April 21, so I wanted to get some things done that wouldn't get done once I went back to work.

I wanted to sweep the pool and pick up the limbs that had blown into the yard. Then I had the drive way to sweep, and various other chores.

It was getting close to noon, so I thought I would stop and have a turkey sandwich. But I wanted to get the trash can from the front and carry it to the back to put clippings in.

I had gotten around to the front of the house. Something hit me square in the chest. I couldn't catch my breath, and the pain was unbearable.
I knew exactly what it was. But it was so much worse. I took my keys out of my pocket and got in the truck and started to drive to the ER.

The pain was so severe, I knew I wouldn't make it. So I backed the truck back into drive way and called 911.

In the last post I said that I would not call 911. Well I didn't count on the fact that God puts in every one an instinct for survival.

As I called 911 I went down rolling on the grown holding my chest wanting the pain to stop. The operator remained on the line until I heard the ambulance. I crawled to the street where we put the garbage. I was fortunate not to encounter one of Florida's nastiest creatures, the fire ant.

Now, I have a dog named Abby. One of the sweetest, smartest dogs I've every had. I believe dogs sense things. She crawled with me to the street and layed down beside me and nudge me with her nose, and gave me kisses. Abby always barks when big trucks come down the road. Fed Ex, UPS, even ambulances. My neighbors have called 911 several times for their mothers. Abby has always barked. This was an exception. I'm sure she was confused, but she ignored the ambulance and stayed right by my side.

As the EMTs put me on a stretcher Abby stayed right there. One of the guys hooked up the EKG and the other took blood pressure gave me aspirin, and nitro. A female EMT went into my house and noted all the medications I was on. Abby is not fond of strangers coming in the house. But her only concern was her master.

As the ambulance prepared to leave, the doors were closed and Abby tried to jump in. I heard him say no stay. She obeyed.

My wife said when she got home, Abby was laying by my truck. This was unusual. Even though she has her doggy door, Abby is a house dog and rarely goes out side unless we are outside.

Dogs are mans best friend. My Abby's heart was troubled.

Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled

2008-08-15T08:21:00.023-04:00

"Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me".

The Gospel of John chapter 14 verse 1

So far I've excluded any reference to my faith in these posts.

One reason could be that I was embarrassed for not seeking God's help through this. I was having questions in what I believed.

Was I being punished for something? Was I being tested in some way? Was God ignoring me because I was ignoring God?

So I've come to the conclusion that God is not cruel. And is not necessarily testing, or ignoring me. In fact God was closer than ever. I had so many people praying God had no choice but to be close.

In the two previous heart attacks. I was scared at first then as the weeks rolled by I didn't think about it as much. I felt pretty good and had started working out again about a week after the first heart attack. This was against Dr.'s orders. After the 2ND I didn't work out as much.

Instead of working out I started working on my memorial service. Something in my brain said it wasn't over. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't remembered laying in a coffin. In fact I don't want a coffin any where around.

Every thing about the service would be praise to God for the little time I had on earth. No sad music. No sad scriptures. My pastor would preach on the love of God. I didn't even want a eulogy. I was very humbled and felt I should get no praise, because I have not done a lot for God or for my fellow man. If I could get away with it I would slip silently from this earth and just disappear. And no one would know I even existed. I guess this kinda defeats the purpose of having a memorial service. But what else do you call it.

So knowing I couldn't get away without some sort of service, I started writing the simplest kind of service I could think of.

The services in our church always start with praise music followed by a processional with the Cross and the pastors in their robes. I know being raised a Baptist this is not done. But I love the Pomp. I think God should get all the pomp and circumstance that's possible. When the Cross is brought up to the front during the processional I can't help but think of what Christ has sacrificed for me.

I decided in my memorial I would have the processional music "A Mighty Fortress is Our God"

This hymn has always been one of my favorites. It tells of a God who never fails, who's always there. I take strength in this majestic hymn of praise.

"A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing".

The second verse says: "Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,And He must win the battle."

This hymn was sung at the funeral of American president Dwight Eisenhower.

And then the recessional music would be "Majesty / Alleluia". The words to Alleluia are. "Alleluia. Alleluia. the Majesty and glory of you name...."

These are two of my favorite praise songs. "Unto Jesus be all glory and Praise"

I had letters written to my parents, my brothers, my step daughter, grandchildren, and finally my wife. They were mostly letters thanking them for their support and love.

I then saved all of this in a file and put it on my desk top for Cathy to find. Also left a printed copy in our file cabinet with insurance papers.

I also made out a will which is no good because I never got it notarized.

I felt relieved and was ready to go. I had decided not to call the EMTs if I started having another attack. I would just lay down and wait for death....

For a couple of weeks I was having palpations and a little chest pain. I had a feeling I would be going home soon.

"Let not your heart be troubled" this didn't happen.

The attack hit so sudden and severe and hurt so bad I had no controll over my actions.....

........I dialed 911.

Are You Crazy?

2008-08-12T10:41:00.011-04:00

Well maybe I am.

I had hoped that I might be able to put the film of my cardiac cath on this post. But alas this wanna be nerd is not at all techie. In fact I'm technically disabled.

Back to the crazy question. Not a lot of people know this about me, especially those who read this post, and somebody in California. But I have been diagnosed as bipolar.

Now manifested as more depressive than manic.

Being on the depressive side, I worried more about heart attacks and when or if the next one would come.

This post probably relates to my first post "Did I Cause My Heart Attack"

Now my mother is the worrier in the family. My dad could leave for work or grocery store or just any where and if mom heard a siren she would say "Oh no I hope that's not your father". It's a good thing there were no cell phones in those days because she would be calling dad or me or any of my brothers to see if we were dead and lying on the side of the road.

My wife, Cathy, says I spend too much time serching the internet on heart disease. Maybe she's right. Here is a quote I found for people with depression.

“There is good evidence that if a person has depression after a heart attack, they are more likely to die from cardiac causes in the following months and years,” said lead author Jeff Huffman, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

Now do I ignore this usless stuff. And pretend I did'nt see it. Or do I worry, and take my medication, the medication list grows by the week it seems.

Another quote: "Depression can double the risk of death or repeat heart disease in heart attack patients, according to two reviews of more than 40 studies that examine the link between depression and heart disease". ... > read more

So am I depressed because I read about depression. Or am I depressed because I had so many heart episodes in a short amount of time. Or did the depression cause the episodes following the first attack. Known as the widow maker.

At this point my PCP is controlling my mood swings. Two drugs, Seroquel and Lexapro.

Seroquel stops the voices and rapid thoughts at night, enabling me to sleep. And Lexapro deals with the depression.

So on Feb 25, 2005 I had the first attack resulting in the placement of two stents.

Three weeks later my PCP wants me to have a stress test before going back to work. So I told my cardiologist and he wanted to wait at least until four weeks out.

I had my first cath at a hospital out of network. So my cardiologist, Dr. Pascual, had not reviewed my cath.

I had been having chest pain and was ignoring it. So I scheduled an appointment with Dr. P.

He wasn't to concerned that the pain would be cardiac. But he scheduled a nuclear stress test any way.

About a week later a girl from his office called and asked if I could come in asap to see the Dr.

So I came in the next morning. Dr. P. said he had seen an area of concern and suggested another cardiac cath. This was on a Thursday and the next day was Good Friday. So we scheduled the cath for the following Monday.

On Monday the 24 of march I went to the hospital for the procedure. Dr. P was confident that they would find nothing.

So I check into the hospital and was rolled into the cath lab and transferred to the table under fluoro, and pumped upped with drugs so I don't feel the catheter inserted into the artery.

Every thing was going well when suddenly I had severe chest pain. I couldn't catch my breath.

Dr. P. put a stent in the CX and had inserted the wire into the OM when I had the heart attack. So we had gone from nothing to worry about to a full fleged heart attack.

Dr. Pascual found a 90% blockage of the CX circumflex and 75% blockage of the OM obtuse marginal. When Dr. P. inserted the wire into the OM some how it triggered the heart attack. So he and my wife decided to leave the OM alone it's not that big of a vessel to worry about. Easy for him to say. He isn't bipolar. And he wasn't raised by a Zemmiphobic mother. I'm not blaming mom for this. I just said this to be funny. Ha! Ha! If you look up zemmiphobia you'll know my mom has never seen a mole rat to be afraid of.

I think I've said enough for this post. "Let not your heart be troubled" I think the big one is coming

O'shea

The Amazing Heart

2008-08-08T13:07:00.002-04:00

I know I said I would continue with second heart attack which happened a month latter. But instead I'm going to try to delve into, the mystical and miraculous organ of organs, the heart.

In the last blog I told about the events leading up to and following the 1st heart attack.
Now I want to talk about what happened inside the heart that caused the attack.

I am no doctor so I'm talking in lay mans terms. As far as I was concerned the picture above is how my heart looked. I knew about cholesterol, and high blood pressure. But I pretty much assumed an attack would never happen to me. Silly on my part.

So on to the heart. I'm fairly ignorant so with the help of the Internet, Dr. Pascual, (my cardiologist) and my wife, I'll tell you as I understand it.

There are some organs in the body you can live without. I'm talking spleen, appendix, maybe a few others, but most of your organs are necessary for sustaining life. Liver, kidneys, brain, skin, intestines, stomach, lungs, heart.

All organs are alive and need nutrients and oxygen. In fact Every cell in your body needs oxygen. Every organ in your body is made up of cells. So somehow oxygen needs to get to the cells. How does this happen? Two organs do the trick, Heart and lungs.

I don't know which organ starts the process. It really doesn't matter to me. They're both necessary. But the heart is "THE" major organ.

In the first 4 weeks of fetal development the nervous system forms and then the circulatory system forms. Beginning with the heart.

In week 5 the first heart beat begins and continues until you meet your maker. Just think about how miraculous that is. In five weeks after conception your heart began beating. Blood is now pumping. All four heart chambers are functioning, insuring your body will receive all the nutrients it needs throughout life. It seems life does begin at conception.

I'm sure you're bored by now. But the heart, a muscle, beats over 100,000 times per day, pumping 2000 gallons of blood through a 60,000 mile network of vessels in the body.

Just as all the organs and cells in your body, the heart and lungs need one thing to survive. Oxygen. Deprive them of oxygen and grab your chest "Ethel it's the big one. I'm coming home"

So this muscle about the size of your fist not only supplies oxygen to every organ every cell. It also supplies oxygen to itself. Can you say perpetual motion.

I'm sure you educated medical types will think I'm simple minded, that there is a lot more to this. Like the electrical impulses that cause the heart muscle to open and contract, bringing in bad blood and sending out good blood. But that's beyond my comprehension. This is where my eyes glaze over and my head starts swimming. So lets keep it simple.

Since the heart needs oxygenated blood. It has it's own set of vessels that keep it alive. This is where the heart attack comes in.

My heart attack happened with the left side of the heart. As I said in the previous blog I had 100% blockage in the LAD which is the Left Anterior Descending. Pictured below.

If you follow the artery down you will see an artery branch off the LAD called the DIAG, diagonal branch. There I had 95% occlusion.

These are the main arteries that supply oxygen to the left side which helps make the heart open to receive oxygenated blood and then push that blood to the body. For most people this is part of the major artery that supplies blood to the heart.

Now for the widow maker. For several years, because of high cholesterol, platelets were forming clinging to the anterior walls of the two artery's. I felt nothing. I thought I was healthy. But something sinister was going on.

Little by little these tiny platelets unseen by the necked eye, were building and building. Then boom the one itsy bitsy platelet, was the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak.

This is where my heart attack occurred. LAD, Diag. The younger you are the more dangerous this particular attack is. The older you are the LAD forms more collaterals. Which pumps more blood to the left part of the heart. I did have collaterals formed, which is probably why I'm alive today.

In conclusion. I received 2 stents. And had little to none heart damage. Due to the fast work of EMT's of station one here in Tampa. My EF ejection fraction was 60 which is about as good as you can have.

When the left ventricle contracts, forcing blood out into the body, it's called "ejection" since it is "ejecting" the blood out into your arteries. Since the big pumper on the lower left is the one that pushes blood throughout your body, that is where they usually measure heart function - the left ventricle. That's the "ejection" part. The "fraction" part is because that pumping chamber (the left ventricle) never quite manages to pump out all the blood inside it - there's always a little bit left behind that lies around waiting for the next contraction. The amount your left ventricle does pump out per beat is called the "ejection fraction". It's X% (the amount pumped out) of the total amount of blood in the ventricle per heart beat.

Heart attack #2 in the next blog. And a comparison to President Clinton's attack.

Hope I haven't bored you

Rick O'Shea

Did I cause my heart attacks?

2008-08-07T08:50:00.001-04:00

This is a question I've asked myself over and over.
Since this is my first post I should bring you up to date on my life.

In January 2007 I decided I needed to get in shape. I weighed 230 lbs. My cholesterol, LDL the bad stuff, was 360. My HDL, the good stuff, was around 40. I also had high blood pressure.

All of these things were being monitored by my PCP. I was never given a stress test.

So back to January, Like most people, I made a New Years resolution. Loose weight and build muscle. But unlike most people I stuck too it.

I began slowly. I had a brother turn me on to the "Abs Diet" diet. I started following the diet and started walking during lunch break where I work.
I was loosing weight but was unhappy with the way I looked. So I added weight resistance. This I could also do at work. So I did this for about 6 months. I was progressing pretty well but I wanted more. We bought, my wife Cathy and I, a treadmill and I started running. I got to where I could run 3 miles. No Ron I don't know the time.

After a while I decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. I needed structure and a program to get me to my goal as soon as possible.

It was the best of things and it was the worst of things. Sounds like Charles Dickens.

It was the best because I had gotten down to 183 lbs. Denis my trainer was not a slacker. Talk about drill sergeants. After my first session I got in my truck and drove home. When I got out of the truck my legs could not hold me . I went down as if my legs were jello. I crawled to the front door.

Eventually I got used to the workouts. I became stronger and looked better than I ever have.
I'm not a young man. I'll just say I'm 50......ish. What the heck I was 53 going on 30. I had a lot of energy, people wanted to know my secrete. My mood even improved. I liked the way I felt and looked. I felt young and alive. Invinceble even. My doctor was impressed and couldn't believe the change in such a short time. I didn't think it such a short time. He told me to stop loosing weight. But in actuality I was gaining muscle and loosing fat. And to me it seemed like it was taking an eternity to reach my goals.

In fact I kept raising the bar. And I thought I would never realisticly reach the ultimate goal. The problem is I compared my self to 20 and 30 year old guys who had been working in the gym for years. I set the bar too high and started becoming unhappy with the way I looked. But I wasn't discurraged. I just had to work harder. I started blaming Denis. He wasn't working me hard enough.

I sought the help of a 60 yo body builder friend of mine, Gene, who also worked out at the same gym. Gene was not a fan of Denis. I first met Gene here at work. I work in radiology and he was having some test done. We struck up a friendship. Little did I know he worked out at the same gym. He kept telling me Denis was not the trainer for me and he, Gene, could get more results without paying for it. Yahoo free? I would also like to tell you that Gene's partner won the Hurricane body building contest in 2006 and then had a quadruple by bass. So we had some things in common.

Now for the worst of things. I was ignoring the cholesterol and high blood pressure. I was healthier than I have ever been. And I was invencible. I was vain and enjoyed the praise of fellow workers. I probably thought I looked better than I actually did. Bring in the shrinks.

I told Denis that I could no longer affored his services, which was true, Cathy and I were having financial and other problems. So free sounded good.

Denis felt sorry for my financial situation so he wrote out a schedual to follow. I had not started with Gene yet so I decided to use the workout Denis gave me.

The first day working out on my own was Monday Feb. 25, 2008. The workout was going pretty good. But I noticed I was sweating more than usuall. I ignored this and just drank water.
I was working on legs and tricepts. While doing squats I started feeling a pressure and tightness in the chest. Thinking I was dehydrated I started drinking more water. I finished squats and started tricepts. The pain was so severe that I gave up tricepts and went to shower and get ready for work. After the shower I sat on the bench by the locker and told my self "it's not a heart attack" "it's not a heart attack".

I dressed and got in my truck headed for work. The pain was getting worse. I called Cathy and said I thouht I was having a heart attack. Cathy has been in cardiology for 22 years and could tell by my breathing something was wrong. She told me to pull of the road and call 911. I said no that I could make it to the ER at work.

Cathy called back 5 minuts latter and said the ER was waiting for me and asked about the pain.
I said it was getting worse. She insisted I pull of the road and call 911. I was getting scared so I complied. The ambulance arrived in 5 minuts. They asked a bunch of questions and did a bunch of test. They determined that indeed I was having a heart attack. Because I was in good shape the EMT insisted I must be on some kind of drugs like cocain. I told them absolutly not.

I was rushed to the closest hospitsl (ST Jo's) . I had 100% blockage of the LAD and 95% blockage of the DIAG. This is called the widdow maker. I was lucky I got there so fast.
Two drug eluding stents were put in place.

Every thing happened so fast but when I got to CCU it hit me and I broke down. I couldn't believe after getting in such good shape I could have a heart attack.
I went into depression and Just as I was feeling better, pow another one. That's for another blog latter.

So did I cause this by ignoring the medical problems, or the financial problems, or the marriage problems. Maybe all of the above.
Next blog will deal with heart attack number 2.
Oh I did get down to 183 lbs through all of this.