Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled

"Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me".

The Gospel of John chapter 14 verse 1

So far I've excluded any reference to my faith in these posts.

One reason could be that I was embarrassed for not seeking God's help through this. I was having questions in what I believed.

Was I being punished for something? Was I being tested in some way? Was God ignoring me because I was ignoring God?

So I've come to the conclusion that God is not cruel. And is not necessarily testing, or ignoring me. In fact God was closer than ever. I had so many people praying God had no choice but to be close.

In the two previous heart attacks. I was scared at first then as the weeks rolled by I didn't think about it as much. I felt pretty good and had started working out again about a week after the first heart attack. This was against Dr.'s orders. After the 2ND I didn't work out as much.

Instead of working out I started working on my memorial service. Something in my brain said it wasn't over. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't remembered laying in a coffin. In fact I don't want a coffin any where around.

Every thing about the service would be praise to God for the little time I had on earth. No sad music. No sad scriptures. My pastor would preach on the love of God. I didn't even want a eulogy. I was very humbled and felt I should get no praise, because I have not done a lot for God or for my fellow man. If I could get away with it I would slip silently from this earth and just disappear. And no one would know I even existed. I guess this kinda defeats the purpose of having a memorial service. But what else do you call it.

So knowing I couldn't get away without some sort of service, I started writing the simplest kind of service I could think of.

The services in our church always start with praise music followed by a processional with the Cross and the pastors in their robes. I know being raised a Baptist this is not done. But I love the Pomp. I think God should get all the pomp and circumstance that's possible. When the Cross is brought up to the front during the processional I can't help but think of what Christ has sacrificed for me.

I decided in my memorial I would have the processional music "A Mighty Fortress is Our God"

This hymn has always been one of my favorites. It tells of a God who never fails, who's always there. I take strength in this majestic hymn of praise.

"A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing".

The second verse says: "Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,And He must win the battle."

This hymn was sung at the fun­er­al of Amer­i­can pre­si­dent Dwight Ei­sen­how­er.

And then the recessional music would be "Majesty / Alleluia". The words to Alleluia are. "Alleluia. Alleluia. the Majesty and glory of you name...."

These are two of my favorite praise songs. "Unto Jesus be all glory and Praise"

I had letters written to my parents, my brothers, my step daughter, grandchildren, and finally my wife. They were mostly letters thanking them for their support and love.

I then saved all of this in a file and put it on my desk top for Cathy to find. Also left a printed copy in our file cabinet with insurance papers.

I also made out a will which is no good because I never got it notarized.

I felt relieved and was ready to go. I had decided not to call the EMTs if I started having another attack. I would just lay down and wait for death....

For a couple of weeks I was having palpations and a little chest pain. I had a feeling I would be going home soon.

"Let not your heart be troubled" this didn't happen.

The attack hit so sudden and severe and hurt so bad I had no controll over my actions.....

........I dialed 911.